I just deRealized…I’m in trouble

Watching one of my shows recently, in which there is a scientist, a priest, and a psychologist, I came to a realization. They were discussing a type of depression that happens when your world no longer makes sense. When what you knew to be true, just suddenly isn’t. It’s called derealization. In this case, cultural derealization.

“The instances of recurring or chronic derealization among those who have experienced extreme trauma and/or have post-traumatic stress (PTSD) have been studied closely in many scientific studies, whose results indicate a strong link between the disorders, with a disproportionate amount of post-traumatic stress patients reporting recurring feelings of derealization and depersonalization (up to 30% of those with the condition) in comparison to the general populace (only around 2%)“

This weekend marks the fourth anniversary of my blog. I first started writing this four years ago in an attempt to pull awareness to this injustice, help others with information, and create an outlet for my pain. While I know I have been able to help others, awareness of this issue is still low. As for my pain….it’s still there and I am still fighting it.

The fact that my blog anniversary coincides with the fourth of July weekend isn’t lost on me. My confidence, even recognition, is lost of my own country. People use the phrase ‘celebrate the fourth of July’. I can honestly say I may never celebrate that particular holiday again. I think we are all having issues recognizing our country, Roe vs Wade, Republicans / Democrats, the looming recession – hell filling my Prius causes me stress!! Add on top of all that those of us persecuted by the police for monetary gain in THE LAND OF THE FREE?!?! I am truly lost.

For those of you who don’t know, Jace is facing trial 2, currently set for December of this year. As we continue to find lies and anomalies in his original trial transcripts, I urge anyone who is going through this to make sure you use a skilled investigator. CAGE has found that few things have worked as a viable defense, but two things have shown some success; use the entrapment defense in trial, and have skilled investigators rip apart all trial disclosure. Force full disclosure, do not go to trial until they comply – continue to file motions demanding the information so that the judge orders them to comply. Produce the disclosure or drop the charges, that’s their choice. Of course, they do not want their lies and deceit examined. When they can’t, or won’t, that’s when you know the tables have turned.

Because this is now over 5 years of hell for us (and many others within our group), we are stuck in a seemingly permanent state of deja vu. Nothing I seem to do is ‘unsticking’ me from my emotions, and feelings that I no longer know who, or what I am. Where I belong. Nothing makes sense.

And yet I see silver linings. Shout out here to Dan, Joylyn, Ezra – who soon will be reunited. Justin and Jared who are stepping up to help with the fight and bring us into new technologies. Heidi, Aracely, and Bruce whose relentless energy helps keep me going.

Thank you all for all you do.