As 2018 comes to a close, and I am finally able to hold my son again, I am looking back at the worst year of my life and attempting to let go.


Pain is not new to me – nor injustice. Like most I have been cheated, lied to, betrayed. It’s a part of life. We are full of cliche’s about pain – ‘what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’, right?

Some pain goes easier than others. My father died while gone on vacation, I didn’t get to say goodbye. I was unable to help rewire my middle child to learn right from wrong,  after the 10 years he endured of incomprehensible abuse.  Repeatedly cheated out of money by those who I have tried to help financially through the years. Not visiting the love of my life in the hospital as we had broke up at that time, and I knew if I saw him we would get back together, which I was not ready for, except, he never came home.


These pains live with me always. But I cannot do a single thing to change these things that have happened to me in my life. These are mine to bear.

When I first heard the serenity prayer, I thought WOW, that is really deep. But until you gain life’s pain, you don’t really understand how truly deep this is. I’ve always thought of these words as a way to forgive, release, move past the pain.


But now that I am older, and have this new pain that I am adding to my shoulders, it’s taking on a different meaning to me. It says ‘the wisdom to know the difference’ – wisdom. This phrase isn’t telling me to let go of the pain in my heart that my son has been victimized by ILLEGAL PROACTIVE ICAC STINGS. It’s telling me to embrace the pain, to use the pain, and turn it into the courage I need to stand up and speak out.

This pain isn’t death. It’s not a wish that I ‘could have’ made a difference in a past situation. This pain is real and


happening now and continuing to happen to me and others.

This pain is something I can work to change. I am wise enough to see that. In the next few days, weeks, I will be changing my webpage and blog to focus more on what I CAN DO going forward, more than what we have been through in the past.


dont look



6 thoughts on “Letting go

  1. Love it!
    Let’s focus on what we an do.
    Let’s have a much better year this coming year.
    Let’s make a difference.
    Let’s give a voice to everyone who has been too embarrassed to stand up and tell their true stories about what has been done to them by the dishonest people we have working in our systems.
    Let’s expose these frauds for who they really are.
    Let’s never give up until there is zero tolerance for people work in our system who use it to abuse others and scam the public out of huge amounts of tax dollars by creating the crimes they need, to get the money they want.
    Let’s hold them accountable for their huge lies and scams.


  2. The world is a better place from having your loving and caring heart and self in it. Move forward as you feel is right…only you can make that determination. You’ve plenty of determination, no doubt about that! Terribly saddening that none of Dad’s children had the opportunity to say Goodbye.


  3. We have to figure out how to take them down. They are still arresting people in droves in proactive stings. Many of these people don’t know where to turn when this hits them between the eyes. It’s almost impossible to find information on how to proceed with these cases. There is so much untapped data that can be put together into useful information for people going through this, and it’s growing everyday!


  4. This is a beautiful blog yet brooding, I agree with Maureen wholeheartedly, she hit this on the head. How do we get people to care unless it happens to them or a loved one? How do we shed light when the ones caught inexplicably are shunned from society, one innocent man is one to many, and when more than half these men are tricked it’s a travesty. If they cannot speak how do we get congress, Society in these modern times to listen with all the proactive movements? Not 20 years from now looking back but NOW 2019 and forward. How do we stop the blind following the blind just because the blind leaders follow the money trail.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.