I’m normally a pretty together person – not overly prone to useless worry or fretting. But at this point of Jace and my journey I am having an odd combination of worry and anxiety. I’m sure it’s completely ‘normal’ but not for me.
All during Jace incarceration in Clark County Jail (the last six months) I have been able to communicate with him almost daily. I saw him every Sunday for visitation. Previous to that he lived with me for 21 of his 22 years of life. Jace and I are what some would call unnaturally close. In truth he is not only my son but a very close friend to me. We enjoy each others company. That’s not always true of adult children and their parents, and I know I am blessed in that regard. You might think it’s just me being reluctant to let go, which I am as a parent, but that isn’t really it. As a parent I know Jace is immature, has trouble completing things he starts, has failed to launch out into the adult world. These characteristics have made raising Jace quite difficult at times.
But as his friend those things don’t matter. He is incredibly giving, witty, so funny my cheeks hurt and I laugh tears. We talk and hug daily at home. These things are what keep Jace and I close. He is a good person – and I am a demanding judge of character.
My son has been in the Washington Correction Center for the last 8 days. He was able to call me once, for a few minutes. We are unable to email. Either its not allowed or its just that confusing and we haven’t figured it out yet. It’s not been for a lack of trying.
This time is a different sort of hard on me.
In a way I feel like I am under water, swimming across the bottom of a long pool, almost out of breath but refusing to give up until I feel the wall on the other side of the pool. Then I can raise up to the surface and take a long, much needed breathe of air.