Written by Will of the Wisps
What is BDSM? It stands for Bondage, Dominance, Submission/Sadism, Masochism. BDSM is an umbrella term for unusual sex acts that conservative Christians reel back in horror whenever it’s brought up. There are many websites dedicated for adults-only to share in these unusual sex acts with other consenting adults. Some acts include bondage – which can range from tying one up simply by the wrists and/or ankles, to full body, strung up from the ceiling. Dominance/submission includes a wide range of sex acts from simple man/woman taking charge, making demands with only some words and/or manipulation of the submissive partner’s body, to one partner pretending to be a “slave master” and the other partner the “slave”. Sadism/masochism is under dominance/submission, but one inflicts
pain on the other partner. All sex acts under BDSM are between consenting adults and each party is role playing. Roleplaying, for those who don’t know, is basically like theatre. You are pretending to be a character that’s not you, such as a nun or priest, a cop or robber, etc. and you take the dynamics of those characters and exaggerate them into a sex scene.
Why am I talking about this? Isn’t that kinda icky and also super irrelevant? I wish it was
irrelevant because this is weird to talk about – sex should be kept behind closed doors. However, I have to discuss this topic because it is extremely relevant to police proactive sex stings and internet crimes against children. For those reading with a loved one who’s been caught in these stings, chances are, he has a kink, or he’s at least open to trying kink. While I know the parents seriously don’t want to think about their son being interested in BDSM and partaking in these acts, I’m sorry, you’ll just have to try viewing it as if he’s not your son, but someone else’s.
Many of the press releases I’ve read about FBI catching what they believe to be a “predator”,
involve the BDSM sex act of Ddlg. Ddlg stands for Daddy dom (dominant), little girl. First of all, no, this is not literally about dads having sex with their daughters. Get that out of your head right now. Ddlg is between consenting, UNRELATED adults who would never consider having sex with their own kids. Ddlg also encompasses the sugar daddy kink where a man wants to spend his money on a younger woman and spoil her, in exchange for sex. This act has less focus on a romantic relationship and closer to friends with benefits, which is where you have a friend you mutually agree to have sex with, but don’t extend it to romance.
FBI doesn’t seem to know what this is, therefore they believe if a man continues corresponds
with a female who claims she’s of minor age, that he must be aware that this is, in fact, a minor and doesn’t mind. If the FBI does know what this kink is, they are taking it too literally. So let’s reframe what’s actually going on, more times than not: a man on an adult-only dating website either leaves an ad online or sets up a profile and he vaguely mentions that he’s into Ddlg – perhaps calling himself a “daddy” and not directly mentioning the kink. He wants a “young lady to spoil”, and he’s specifically looking for younger women (of age). Or perhaps he’s open to this kink and doesn’t mind if the females responding to him start roleplaying as the “little girl.” A woman responds to him, claiming she’s 11-15. A man on an adult-only dating site is not going to immediately believe or think “this is literally a minor” because minors aren’t allowed on this site, this can’t be right. She must be roleplaying, as is the custom.
So once contact is established, the woman will talk about her fictional schoolwork, classes, and maybe her parents. Outsiders and FBI instantly believe that the man responding back is within the belief this is literally a minor and he’s okay with this interaction. Outsiders and FBI believe that, because the woman is mentioning details a minor might actually talk about, that therefore means the man seriously thinks she’s doing exactly that. On the contrary, he believes she’s roleplaying. This is what BDSM people do, it’s their bread and butter. Ddlg involves the woman partaking in activities and interests such as coloring books, schoolwork, stuffed animals, diapers, binkies, kid clothes, crayons, etc. Not always, but it’s common. Typically, she talks in such a way that mimics how a kid would talk.
Yes, I will acknowledge that, as a cautious woman, I find it strange that a man wouldn’t ask questions to verify her real age (obviously, outsiders and FBI think the same); however, there are plenty of people out there who throw caution to the wind and just want to participate in pure Hedonism. They roleplay right out the gate, just as they believe the decoy is doing (and technically, he’s absolutely right in assuming that). We’re talking impulsive men with high sex drives (most of which do not have paraphilia for minors).
What I wouldn’t understand is why such a man would stop contact when the woman claims
she’s 12 years old. She’s just pretending, right? So why would taking that literally ever come to mind? And usually, if questions are asked about her age, the decoy dodges the question, so even if he’s skeptical, nothing comes of it. He continues talking with her because they’re both on an adult-only dating website, he expects other adults to be here, and if he is very skeptical, he might be curious to see where this goes. And from what I’ve observed, a skeptical man is the one following the woman’s lead, never the other way around.
You may be wondering why a skeptical man wouldn’t just ghost the decoy if she’s not answering questions. Often, skeptical men are like curious cats and you know what happens to curious cats. He might be suspicious he’s getting catfished, but you don’t really know until you meet the person. So you continue talking in the hopes that this person is being honest. Unfortunately for him, he doesn’t get a chance to leave upon discovering he in fact was catfished. Instead, he’s arrested on the spot because he was too open-minded, non-judgmental, and skeptical.
So because of his kink lifestyle or his curiosity for it; because of his skepticism or his Hedonism, he is put in prison for 1-10 years or for life, and registered as a sex offender, while not having a single shred of evidence supporting he might be attracted to children.
This is a war on kink, not saving children.